I think about it everyday
I think about never going to Pizza Hut ever again
Never driving on these streets again, these streets that I am forced to know so well like evil step sisters
I think about never seeing my co-workers again
It's more beautiful than anything I've ever imagined
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Breathing
In the few moments in my life when I have felt truly happy
I feel like I know a secret
And I'm the only one who knows it
The secret is that everything is going to be fine
And all the things that ruin me
And all the people who upset me
They lose all their effectiveness
I don't pay them any mind
And I don't pity them
Because everything is going to be fine
And they'll find out soon enough
Monday, March 5, 2012
Crying
I just finished reading The Sandman Vol. 5: A Game of You.
I closed the book and I cried, quietly as my shoulders heaved.
I didn't want my grandparents to hear me in the other room.
When I was done I walked into the bathroom and I looked into the mirror.
I expected my eyes to be red, and my face to look sad, but neither were. I looked as if nothing had happened.
I thought about all the other times I've cried in my life. In an empty movie theater alone, at the end of any number of comic books, holding my dog after a shitty day at school, or in the parlor at my grandfather's funeral.
I never want anyone to see me cry. I suppose it's because it makes me look weak and I don't want people to see that. Some because I think they depend on me to be strong. Others because they believe I'm frail, most of the time it's because I just don't want to be noticed.
But I'm thinking about my life and I'm starting to realize that no one depends on me. And no one believes I'm weak, people don't put that much thought into me.
So why the fuck am I so embarrassed to cry?
I closed the book and I cried, quietly as my shoulders heaved.
I didn't want my grandparents to hear me in the other room.
When I was done I walked into the bathroom and I looked into the mirror.
I expected my eyes to be red, and my face to look sad, but neither were. I looked as if nothing had happened.
I thought about all the other times I've cried in my life. In an empty movie theater alone, at the end of any number of comic books, holding my dog after a shitty day at school, or in the parlor at my grandfather's funeral.
I never want anyone to see me cry. I suppose it's because it makes me look weak and I don't want people to see that. Some because I think they depend on me to be strong. Others because they believe I'm frail, most of the time it's because I just don't want to be noticed.
But I'm thinking about my life and I'm starting to realize that no one depends on me. And no one believes I'm weak, people don't put that much thought into me.
So why the fuck am I so embarrassed to cry?
Saturday, March 3, 2012
I'm an alien
My entire life I have been completely baffled by most of the conventions of modern society. Here are a few issues that no one has ever been able to explain to me. A lot of them are a little ridiculous and they include some projecting on my part, but I really just feel like venting some of my frustrations tonight.
-Why is it ok for men to find women attractive?
It's not "cool", for men to find anything pretty or cute, besides women. A straight man cannot call a puppy cute, he cannot be impressed by a beautiful piece of music, he cannot enjoy a sunset. I would think that a real "man", a real macho guy would be perfectly fine having sex with a horrible beast of a woman before he runs off into the woods to eat more rats and punch more grizzly bears.
-Why are people offended by being called dumb?
The vast majority of popular music is horribly written garbage, there is no subtlety or wit in the lyrics. The same goes for the scripts behind most popular television shows and films. Nobody reads books, technical, well-thought out musical compositions are unpopular. All the evidence I have gathered my entire life points to the conclusion that being dumb is cool. So why isn't being labeled dumb a compliment?
Why are straight men homophobic?
You're a big strong tough guy. You squish tarantulas with your bare toes. You can drink a 24 pack of Budweiser and wake up in the morning without a hangover. You work twelve hour shifts on a construction site. You love to burp and fart. Nothing can phase you, you're a total bad ass, you're not afraid of anything. But the thought of two men kissing, now that's just "icky". That makes absolutely no sense to me. If you're homophobic you are a fucking pussy.
- Why is it cool to be dispassionate?
I find this to be most evident in rap music. A lot of popular rappers are so uninterested in their own music they can barely manage to open their mouths while they rap. They end up looking like they're doing a ventriloquist act in their music videos. Is it really that uncool to give a shit about your own music?
Why do you give a shit about proper spelling?
Are you impressed by a person who knows how to spell a bunch of words correctly? You shouldn't be. Language is here so that we have a way to communicate with each other. You can just as easily communicate your point by spelling a word incorrectly. The next time someone corrects your spelling, shove as many fingers up your ass as you can to make them uncomfortable.
Why do people get upset when their name is mispronounced?
Are you really that proud of your name? You didn't come up with it. Thousands of other people on the planet share it with you. It has nothing to do with your personality or who you are as a person. It's just a set of syllables that people can shout at you to get your attention when you're about to get hit by a car.
Why does everyone think they're so unique?
Everyone was made fun of as a child, kids are fucking dickheads. Everyone feels out of place, no one can know exactly how you feel. That doesn't make you unique, it actually makes you the same as everyone else. You are not expressing yourself by getting tattoos, you're paying someone to draw on you. At best you're a tangerine to everyone else's orange. You're slightly different than your peers, you are not special.
Sorry that last one was pretty mean. I didn't even really mean it, it's just an ironic juxtaposition with the title of the blog. Like I said, I just felt like venting a little bit. I feel a little bit better now. If I offended you at all with this blog post here is some ammunition to fuel your hateful comments: I am fat (205 lbs.), I am short (5'6'') , I am unsuccessful in relationships, I am incredibly poor ( I made around 13,000 dollars last year), I have bad teeth, and I am a huge pro-wrestling fan, go to town.
-Why is it ok for men to find women attractive?
It's not "cool", for men to find anything pretty or cute, besides women. A straight man cannot call a puppy cute, he cannot be impressed by a beautiful piece of music, he cannot enjoy a sunset. I would think that a real "man", a real macho guy would be perfectly fine having sex with a horrible beast of a woman before he runs off into the woods to eat more rats and punch more grizzly bears.
-Why are people offended by being called dumb?
The vast majority of popular music is horribly written garbage, there is no subtlety or wit in the lyrics. The same goes for the scripts behind most popular television shows and films. Nobody reads books, technical, well-thought out musical compositions are unpopular. All the evidence I have gathered my entire life points to the conclusion that being dumb is cool. So why isn't being labeled dumb a compliment?
Why are straight men homophobic?
You're a big strong tough guy. You squish tarantulas with your bare toes. You can drink a 24 pack of Budweiser and wake up in the morning without a hangover. You work twelve hour shifts on a construction site. You love to burp and fart. Nothing can phase you, you're a total bad ass, you're not afraid of anything. But the thought of two men kissing, now that's just "icky". That makes absolutely no sense to me. If you're homophobic you are a fucking pussy.
- Why is it cool to be dispassionate?
I find this to be most evident in rap music. A lot of popular rappers are so uninterested in their own music they can barely manage to open their mouths while they rap. They end up looking like they're doing a ventriloquist act in their music videos. Is it really that uncool to give a shit about your own music?
Why do you give a shit about proper spelling?
Are you impressed by a person who knows how to spell a bunch of words correctly? You shouldn't be. Language is here so that we have a way to communicate with each other. You can just as easily communicate your point by spelling a word incorrectly. The next time someone corrects your spelling, shove as many fingers up your ass as you can to make them uncomfortable.
Why do people get upset when their name is mispronounced?
Are you really that proud of your name? You didn't come up with it. Thousands of other people on the planet share it with you. It has nothing to do with your personality or who you are as a person. It's just a set of syllables that people can shout at you to get your attention when you're about to get hit by a car.
Why does everyone think they're so unique?
Everyone was made fun of as a child, kids are fucking dickheads. Everyone feels out of place, no one can know exactly how you feel. That doesn't make you unique, it actually makes you the same as everyone else. You are not expressing yourself by getting tattoos, you're paying someone to draw on you. At best you're a tangerine to everyone else's orange. You're slightly different than your peers, you are not special.
Sorry that last one was pretty mean. I didn't even really mean it, it's just an ironic juxtaposition with the title of the blog. Like I said, I just felt like venting a little bit. I feel a little bit better now. If I offended you at all with this blog post here is some ammunition to fuel your hateful comments: I am fat (205 lbs.), I am short (5'6'') , I am unsuccessful in relationships, I am incredibly poor ( I made around 13,000 dollars last year), I have bad teeth, and I am a huge pro-wrestling fan, go to town.
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